Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
