I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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