How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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