got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
