you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
