How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
