in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Found your dick twin last night
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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