I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
