i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
