Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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