I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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