Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
