i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
