I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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