Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
