i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
