Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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