just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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