the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Couch. On fire.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
