What a fucking waste of an outfit
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
