It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
