if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
