moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
