I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
