Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
