yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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