When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
