I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
