Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
