I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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