i already hear my dad disowning me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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