what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We left the knife in your bed.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
