Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
