My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
