Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you win again, gameday.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
