I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
