I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
