everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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