i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she looked like the before picture.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
