As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
