how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You need a sexual gate keeper
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
