I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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