The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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