i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
