My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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