I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
