So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
