The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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