Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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