I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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