2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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