the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
