I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
