If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
