The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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