Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
