how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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