I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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