onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize