Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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