Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
