I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
