I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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