Don't you send me to vm
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
