Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
