he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
