I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i believe in u and ur pee
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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