He had one of those small greek statue penises
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
