Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
