it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
