I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
