Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm like, not good at living.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
