So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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