It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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