sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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