WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
