we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize