yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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