At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Still dying that you shit outside
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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