I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
