My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
