THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I will pee on everything he values.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
